Music is very evocative-especially to those who truly love it. Since my husband died in 2006, I have tried a few times but always a certain song would burst forth into my head and I'd be sobbing my heart out. I used to listen to music on the radio a lot when I was at home. it's kind of weird, some days, I feel I could die some days, I fell I could live longer I know suicide is not some shortcut to end pain when we take away one thing, to keep it gone, we need another it could be the same with death to get rid of pain, we may need something Good Something That Causes Pleasure just a thought, I don't know if it's true or not. I feel 91, but am 28 a weird pardox, I could have so much life ahead of me, but I feel I have so much I have already lived and done, had happen, and lived through, experienced, etc. But the lack of sleep does not help I feel depressed right now, kinda', but not sure, I feel it in acute bouts at times, and a general tiredness, right now. not to mention, I feel it's still happening, the first thing that set me off. but it messed up my sleep patterns, and more of my assignment times I've had to get three extensions on the second assignment, since the first one that I did, that took the skeletons out of my closet ouch. I was even scared to look at nice videos on youtube, but decided not to look at the comments, for the longest time now I did, again, and I feel like a wreck, but at the same time, it almost felt like I was somehow healing from the thing, one of the things that hurt me, as I prayed, faced my fears, and faced my fears some more. depression seems to come in spells, and I seem to get get more anxious, every time I'm on youtube, and comment. JDJ23To28AND1-2 in reply to Hidden 8 years ago Most of that time has been taken by depression and anxiety. I used to feel optimistic for the future, years ago, but that future has been and gone, and what future lies ahead of me is an old aged one, so I can't go on.Īll what I wanted to do, to be, and just the excitement of the not knowing of the future ahead, has gone. I think it has something to do withtnhat the music was from when I once was happier, when I went out, danced, had friends and generally had a life. It was happy type music too and nothing depressing. Why am I like this? I was listening to music from the past that I love and yet then I start to become depressed.
Honestly, I cannot find a reason to go on. I am now thinking about ending it all soon. For quite a long time, when I listen to music that I love that I once listened to, I become very quiet, and then the depression starts and builds up rapidly to how I am feeling now.
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